The Power of Negative Thinking

You're familiar, I assume, with those day-glo, smiley-face motivational stickers even high school teachers plaster across the tops of students’ papers when they have no time or little else to offer — silly platitudes such as “Super” and “Great Job” and “Bound for Success” and “Shining Success.” It's all part of America's obsession with self-esteem by way of self-delusion.

Certainly, there are countless bright, informed, hard-working young people out there who'll end up in UT's Plan II program or the Marching Owl Band or a College Station drunk tank, but let's not fool ourselves: If teachers didn't fear for their jobs or necks, they'd find plenty of use for stickers such as these...

• You’re the reason teachers would rather work at Wal-Mart.
• I had hoped you wouldn't turn this in.
• If only you were better looking.
• Not even your mother would read this.
• We'd raise the bar, but it would jab you in the ankle.
• Ignorant is curable. Stupid isn’t.
• AIG was too big to fail. You aren't.
• If only the coaches cared whether you passed.
• Dropped or kicked in the head: which was it?
• Ask me about home-schooling.
• Consistently wrong isn't a virtue.
• If all kids were like you, the U.S. would be Somalia in a week.
• What a shock. This is almost correct.
• Strike four.
• Drop out now. Avoid the rush.
• God awful, but your best effort yet!
• Skip school. Your grades won't suffer, and no one will miss you.
• If you expended less effort, you’d suffocate.
• Learn to rap. It's your only hope.
• You make everyone else look good.
• He shoots! He misses!
• Are you paid to be this dumb?
• Even Obama couldn't bail this out.
• If your brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
• I’ve read worse. Once. Years ago.
• You have a future as a crash test dummy.
• It's not too late to be adopted by a pack of wolves.
• Ever consider asking a third grader?
• You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding.

Comments

TruthTeller said…
OMG — Bobby, where were you when I used to decorate my door with stickers?
askthehomediva said…
Hilarious… especially loved the "We'd raise the bar, but it would jab you in the ankle" and "If your brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."

I would add a line from the song Singular Girl…
"Talking to you is like long division"
Unknown said…
This is one of my favorites - remember our conversation at lunch? She passed the TAKs, will be the first to graduate among her 4 siblings and has now decided that attendance is optional... hasn't been to school since she got the news she passed... blog more about education. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the current Social Studies content debate...

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